GETTING "MOOSED" ON THE RIVER
Moose Attacks SamSeaton.com Board of Director Member Early Tuesday Morning
A mysterious moose struck Ms. Banks with its antlers early Tuesday morning as she was standing on the banks of the McKenzie River. As her guide prepped the boat for their drift down river, the moose snuck in behind her. “It scared the crap out of me. I must have jumped three feet in the air!” Ms. Banks said.” I was caught completely off guard. I should have been more aware of my surroundings,” She escaped serious injury, only her pride was hurt.. Local residents said they have never seen a moose in this area before . Because of the dense fog, no onlookers were able to give a description of the moose .
"MOOSED" ON THE umpqua RIVER
Mystery Moose Claims Another Victim- 2nd Attack in Two Days
Another victim of the mysterious moose was SamSeaton.com’s Board of Director Chief Financial Officer, Mr. Dave Lentz. “We thought the attack on Ms Banks yesterday was an isolated incident; but the moose seems to be targeting members of the samseaton.com board of directors.” said the local sheriff. Dave Lentz became the mystery moose’s’ second victim. Mr. Lentz was attacked early Wednesday morning at Whistlers Park on the North Umpqua. Dave, a retired fisheries biologist officer, warns other BOD members to stay alert to avoid becoming the next victim. Paramedics were not called, but Dave received significant sympathy and ridicule from onlookers.
Several witnesses saw the moose slowly sneak up behind Mr. Lentz. They were too afraid to shout out for fear it might scare the moose into attacking. Witnesses of the attack describe the moose as being around 6 feet at the shoulders, weighing approximately 800-900 pounds, with dark brown matted fur and a short tail. Local police sketch artist rendered the following sketch of the unsub. If you see this moose, do not approach it. Immediately report it to the Douglas County Fish and Wildlife Services.
"He's a moose... he's guilty
He's a Moose, therefore, he is guilty of "Moosing" Sam Seaton Bored Members. We are awaiting trial, but the court cannot find a jury of his peers. We need 12 Moose to convict this weirdo. Until then, the authorities are recommending that Sam Seaton Bored Members stay vigilant or we quietly take care of this pest and have Moose Burgers.